Just Down

Trying to wrap my head around things lately.  Emotions have really been running high as well.
Been 2 days since i have eaten anything as well.  Just haven't wanted anything.
Sometimes i feel like my life is out of control and nobody cares.
I know people say they do, but do they really?  They also say actions speak louder than words too, Right?
There are so many things going through my mind.  Here i sit at 2am in the morning after a long night at work and i don't want to do anything but cry.  I've been doing a lot of that lately.
Thinking about family friends especially past friends and why they are past friends?  I've always been a loving, caring, giving person.  But lately i find myself being bitter, hateful and non-caring to people.
I feel so hurt sometimes.

I have went out of my way to do things for friends, help them out. Not just emotionally but financially too.  And i feel like i have been used.  I used to be apart of a really big group of friends that were always doing something, going somewhere hanging out, movies, dinners all that kind of fun stuff.

But the last year or so, things have changed and i don't know why.  I cant help but think that i have done something to upset them.

Right now things in my life are pretty raw and uncertain.  I don't like the way i feel.  I am told to change it.  But how?  I wish i knew.   I'm told to be positive.  But how?  When i feel the way i do.  In days to come, i will talk about things from my past and things of the present.  In some kinda crazy way i hope this will help me, or help someone else that is going through some of these crazy times we call life.

Eric